Can anyone understand me ?!!

Can anyone understand me?

At times life throws us into whirlpools of doubt and denial about our ‘self’ and individuality.

Times can be rough, our days so empty and parched; and this feeling of suffocating loneliness and questions like, “why are things like this happening only to me”, “life is just so unfair”, “things never work out for good for me” etc. grip us, binding us with fetters which can make us so handicapped and helpless.

“Life is not a bed of roses”… it’s so easy for all my elders to quote this.

But wait a min – does that mean my life always has to be such a bumpy road, that each time, I get tossed and turned, violent enough that I dread to tread this road?!! The moment I realize that no one seems to understand what I am going through, and can so easily only comfort saying “things will be fine, don’t worry”, loneliness curls around me like an ivy which most of the times is poisonous.

Loneliness pushes us into this unending maze of questions and self-reasoning- Why? Why?? Why???

It kills our conscious mind and dumps us into an endless loop of inferiority, insecurity and dis-satisfaction in life. Now this is when we tend to get into this faux reality of “no one understands me!” and it starts to sop up the life out of us.

Yeah, actually no one can understand us. We are unique and so different in everything from another individual. Though people might be able to pity us and share our sorrow, no one can really understand the actual pain we go through. And that’s why it takes somebody supernatural- God, to understand us completely. Remember He created us- designed the minute details of our being.

Every individual has some period in their life which is a span of extreme loneliness, at times – a very bitter experience. But then I believe for us who are believers, sometimes God does allow these times in our lives. Trust me, these are the most crucial moments in an individual’s life, because the choices he makes in these times has a rather huge consequence on the future course of his life.

Now the question we need to ask ourselves is – why am I feeling lonely?

Is it because I have no friends, or because of a breakup or because I am far away from my family and home, or is it because there is this vacuum in my life even though I have everything I want ???

“The loneliest moment in life is when, you have just acquired, that which you thought would give you the greatest pleasure, and it has let you down”

Each of ushave some desire in our lives which decides most of our actions in our everyday life. There is this longing within us to belong to someone, to achieve something, to be loved and have someone to whom we can express our love. These are basic emotional needs inside all of us and I am sure no one can deny these.

When one of these is not fulfilled, we feel a strange emptiness inside us which compels us to constantly strive to fulfill this need. Now this is where we need to be extremely careful, because we need to realize the fact that as human beings we will go to any extent to achieve this. And unless we look up to God for this we will definitely mess up.

“There is a God shaped vacuum in every human being which obviously only God can fill”

This is when we play ‘Jekyll and Hyde’. We know it’s not right but we can’t help but do it. The good that we want to do, we are unable to do and the bad that we do not want to do, we end up doing. And after doing it, guilt fills our heart and persecutes us. It makes us feel so bad that we begin to hate ourselves. But surprisingly, this does not stop us from doing the same old mistake after a while. Slowly we realize we are addicted to it. It ties our hands and makes us a slave, dragging us into the quick sand again and again, till we sink beyond recovery.

On the outside we are this happy, nice and smart looking individual – but living a lie on the inside. Because only, we know, the ‘Hyde’ we are on the inside, the secret life that no one else knows other than God. We hate it but cherish it owing to our addiction. A helpless feeling grips us when we think about it. Thus we seldom take time to even think about it and so rather than taking efforts to change and come out of it, we are content being a secret slave to our own defiant and lustful desires.

It might be different for different people. Maybe it’s an unwanted relationship that has enslaved you, a habit you are struggling with or a degraded and deteriorating lifestyle all together.

At the end of it all, we realize how all these things which we thought would give us the pleasure we wanted was only temporary and that we have been cheated, betrayed and fooled. This further wounds us and most of the times we let our wounds be wounded again. Yes, maybe the wounds may heal but remember the scars remain!

Deep inside I hear myself crying out – can anyone understand me? why am I messing myself up so much when I know I should not ? I hate to be ‘Me’.

My plastic smiles - does anyone really know that it’s fake!

Desperation pushes me to the edge but I still don’t know what to do.

But my friend, there is somebody who ‘can’ understand you. And this is what He has to say…

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let Me near
I wish you knew how much
I long for you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand

I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you failed their expectations
They frowned and closed the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand

The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with my Spirit, Blood and Word
The everlasting Father
Has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard

So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand

The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with my Spirit, Blood and Word
The everlasting Father
Has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard

So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
I'll never let go of your hand

Maybe you are going through life’s loneliest moments right now, let me assure you of this, that “He does not cast away anyone who comes to Him”.

He says, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

A bruised reed He will not break, a flickering flame He will not snuff out.

He also says,

“Before you were born, you were special to Me. I knew you before you were conceived in your mother’s womb. With My hands I fearfully and wonderfully created very detail that makes you unique. I knit you together. I saw you long before you ever existed. I watched everyday of your life. So I know you. I know where you have been, where you are and where you are going…

If only you knew the thoughts I have towards you. Did you know My thoughts outnumber the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world? You are the apple of my eye. When trouble approaches, I hide you in the shadow of My wings. I have even engraved you in the palms of My hands.

It is My love for you that makes you precious and honored in my sight. I not only created you for My glory, I adopted you as My own child. I will never abandon you. So do not fret. Remember – you are My child. I know you, I love you, I am proud of you and I will fulfill my purpose for your life. Never forget this…Though the mountains be shaken, and the hills be removed,

Yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken.

My love endures forever.”

If you are still wondering as to who this person is…

He is Jesus- The way, The truth and The life.

Invite Him into your heart and you will never feel lonely again- because he is the only one who can understand you just as you are.

~ Azariah Jerry Manuel